Rebuilding, Discovering, Questions...and life is good!

I think it's pretty standard and routine that we say things like "life is busy," or "we're moving along," or "time is flying by" when describing how our lives are going. Though at times those phrases ring true, I feel like these past few months have been more reflective, and slower, rather than "busy." Yes, we did just have a baby, and that has added a whole new element to our life, but if I'm being honest, having Cullen has forced me to really pause, and think about what's next for me, forced Bobby and I to ask what's next for our family, and it's put life in perspective a little more. We don't have it all together, or have a grand master plan for our lives, but we are finding value in living life one day at a time, one decision at a time, trusting and knowing that God provides and cares deeply about the details and decisions of our life. I am truly grateful that our life is such right now, that we have the time and space to ask questions and ponder what's next, because I know that life has seasons, and this season of rest and rejuvenation won't last forever. Therefore, I am enjoying our mellow days, appreciating the value of the process and questioning, and doing my best to be open and willing to taking some risks. In the midst of it all, "I know the heart of life is good," and I'm thankful for all that's in it.

A little update is in order!

Cullen~ Our newest addition is doing fantastic. Mr. Moo, as we like to call him (no reason, it just came out one day, and stuck.), is approaching 4 months soon. He is smiling like crazy, cooing like he has something important to communicate, and is super content. I was uncertain about how to love a son at first, since it seemed so unfamiliar to me, but it didn't take any time to love him at all. I distinctly remember the moment I realized "I can do this." It was one of his first real smiles, aimed right at me. Simple as that. Right then, all of my uncertainty was gone, as his beautiful, deep, blue-green eyes looked at me. As he is growing and changing, I adore him more and more, and always look forward to his next new "thing." He's sure been drooling a lot, so Bobby and I are thinking teeth are on the horizon! I am grateful, beyond grateful, he is healthy, happy, and ours :).

Layla~ I seriously could not be more proud to have her as our daughter. She's our precious Bug-A-Boo! I love the way she loves people, her attention to detail, her vibrant expressions, her incredible memory, her wild imagination, her curious nature, her fearless attitude, and her deep joy that is so evident in her carefree spirit. Because she is at the age where she is taking in so much, she is forcing me (in the best way), to be a better mother and person. I love watching her do new things and get excited. She has started, on her own, figuring out how write her name, she is picking up bugs without a care in the world, and is telling us lots of "once upon a time" stories. I am in awe of who she is becoming and all I want to do is give her as many opportunities as possible to discover who she is and what she likes. Watching her grow into herself makes me excited to discover what things Cullen will like, and what special quirks he'll have that are specific to him. Layla and Cullen are more than we could have ever asked for.

Bobby~ He is doing so well at work, and loving his job. Auto-Chlor has been amazing to our family, providing the stability that we hadn't had through a job in awhile. I'm continually grateful for Bobby's work ethic, and willingness to do what's needed to be a good employee, but also a good provider for our family. Along with working hard at work, he is working hard in school. Just another reason to love, respect, and appreciate him. He is doing great in his classes and plugging away. In his free time, he has taken up learning how to play soccer and has joined a summer league with a group from our church. He is loving it, and we're excited to go watch daddy play and cheer him on this summer! Another fun thing he is doing is building a playhouse for the kids. It's going to be Layla's birthday present this year, but obviously when Cullen is old enough, he can play in there too. It's coming along really well, and I'm super impressed at how good Bobby is at stuff like that.  Overall, he's doing great!


Me~ Like I said before, I have been trying to figure out what's next for me in life. One thing I'm doing, is starting classes in the fall through Liberty University, studying in their Psychology program. I am doing online classes so I can have time with the kiddos and work around my own schedule...and Virginia is just too far from here to be a wife and mom ;). I'm excited for this new adventure, and look forward to learning more about how our minds, and the unseen parts of us, work. It's a big risk for me, so I am giving myself permission to take it one thing at a time, change majors if I want to, stop school all together, or do something completely different; I just need to get on the path. I am learning a lot about myself right now, and desire to keep moving forward, growing, and changing. Our church has played a large part in that for me and am I really grateful. I'm finally feeling more settled after two very big transitions this last year of moving back to Bellevue and having a baby, and want to get involved there. I'm excited to meet new people, be in small groups, and serve there. I am in great anticipation for what these next few months are going to bring, but recognize that things don't change or progress without action, so here I go!

I know this entry was a longer one, so thanks for reading it all, if you gotten this far :). I really do enjoy sharing our life with you through this blog, even if it is just a small glimpse. I hope you, dear friends and family, are doing well, and that you are meeting life with questions and readiness. I'm finding those things a challenge, myself, but loving the journey...and wishing the same for you!

With love,
The Cadriel's

Here are a bunch of pictures from the last three months. Family Photos, Playhouse building, and Gainer/Taylor visit to Seattle. Enjoy!

I Am a Work in Progress

Parenting is wonderful. Full of life and new experiences... and totally overwhelming. The massive responsibility you have to love, mold, and take care of your children can be daunting. No one can prepare you for parenthood. The good and bad, and the ups and downs, can't be understood until you personally carry that weight.

Parenting is also affirmation that we, the parents, are still a work in progress ourselves. Evidence of this can be found in our disproportionate reactions to what's actually happened (i.e. getting mad when our kids spill something, or don't keep their clothes clean), and having expectations that our kids won't ever live up to (kids won't ever fight, or won't push the boundaries). Our job is to respond lovingly when these things inevitably will happen, not expect unrealistically that our kids won't do them in first place. When we think and react like that, our character flaws are revealed, showing us that we don't have it all together. Be it anger, impatience, or hurtful words (which is based on how your kids receive what you say, not necessarily the words themselves) that spew from a given instance, it's US that has/is the issue because of what we project onto them, not always our kids for doing whatever brought us to that point.

I think we have some idea built into us that says as the parent we should have it all figured out, and we are to show our kids "perfection." How arrogant of us to think we are perfect enough to model perfection. I'm not negating the obvious importance and necessity of guiding your children in the practices of life that are only a parents responsibility (foundational principles of how to treat people, faith, morals etc.), but what I am saying is that no one is "finished" yet. Not even parents. We, too, are walking through our own learning experiences and are constantly being molded just like our kids are. We can guide and love our kids, as we ourselves are being guided, and show them that life is full of adventure and it doesn't stop just because you are an adult. If I'm not giving myself the space and permission to continue to figure out who I am, in this phase of my life, then how will I be able to give my children that same space in the phase of life they're in? We have to let our kids be who they are and test the limits, otherwise they won't ever learn right and wrong. Therefore, I have to be willing and ready to respond to, and look at each situation that my kids will bring about, as an opportunity to change MY character issues. Hopefully, over time that kind of reaction and attitude will translate to their lives as well. As time passes, I would hope to respond with more and more strength, wisdom, and love. It would be so nice if the world of parenting, and raising a family could be a pretty little package. But, it's not. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we aren't complete. We are open ended, which brings new risks and new circumstances, constantly, for us to learn from.

All of this to say, parenting is refining. These are things I am learning and trying to put into practice by the unfailing patience and grace of God. Parenting brings out the best and the worst in us. I don't want to be blind to my shortcomings; I want to work through them. I don't have it all figured out, but that's ok. I'll learn on the road. What I desire for Layla and Cullen to know, even in the midst of my processing, is that my love for them is secure, they are safe (emotionally and physically), and they will be accepted and cherished for who they are no matter what. I want them to know that in moments where things are complicated, my adoration for them is still strong, and that when I am wrong and treat them poorly, I will admit my mistake and apologize for hurting them. The only way I can do that is if I, myself, accept that I need all those things from the one who created me, and that I am not "finished" yet.

So, here's to the imperfections in all areas of our lives, and to the journey of discovery through our failures and triumphs.

And Baby Cullen Makes 4

Our sweet baby boy made his debut on February 6th, 2010. Robert Cullen Cadriel was born at 11:02pm, weighing 7 pounds 15 ounces, and was 20 1/2 inches long. What a special and life changing day for our family.

I realize this update is coming almost two months after Cullen was born, but I still wanted to fill everyone in...

Cullen has been a wonderful addition to our life. From the second we saw his face, it was as if he had been with us all along. Now, I can't imagine not knowing him or having him be a part of our family. It's amazing how that happens in an instant. Having a son has been just as amazing of an experience for both Bobby and I as it is to have a daughter. Both relationships are so special and we are loving getting to experience both of them.

Cullen is growing fast and changing everyday. Babies only stay small for such a short time. His newest accomplishment: Smiling! Oh, to see that little face smile for the first time made my day :). I'm trying to take everything in and make sure I savor what I can of each phase. Can't wait to see what he accomplishes next!

He's just now giving us 5-7 hours of sleep at night. 7 is lucky, haha, but at least it's not every 3 hours anymore, which is really nice. Never do you appreciate sleep more than when you have a baby who finally gives you a small break! Since we are bottle feeding, Bobby has been a great help at night, so the tag teaming has made a significant difference in our amount of sleep.

Layla is great big sister! We have not had any jealousy issues or problems with her acting out (beyond the normal 2 year old stuff), thank goodness! Our biggest thing has been that she loves Cullen so much that she just wants to be around him all the time, and isn't always gentle. We are working on showing her how to love Cullen without sitting on him or rubbing her face in his, haha. She's doing amazing, though, with all of the changes.

Potty training is still in full force and Layla is getting better each day! She is no longer wearing diapers at night, and has managed to keep her bed dry more often than not. We are still working on #2, but she is leaps and bounds better and more willing than she's every been, so we're making big strides. Bobby and I are really proud of her. She's done an excellent job not regressing with all the changes that's happened in her life these past few months.

Layla will be starting preschool in the fall, two mornings a week, at Bellevue Christian Preschool. We are so excited that she is going to have something that is just hers, where she can grow, learn, and make friends. It's hard to believe she is old enough to be planning for this big step, but it's time, and she's ready. She is going to have an amazing experience.

As for Bobby and I, we are doing well. Going from one kid to two has been an adjustment and definitely requires more negotiating between he and I about who does what, when, but overall we're doing awesome. Bobby loves his job, and they are treating him very well there. I'm consistently grateful for how hard he works for our family and that he is in a place he enjoys. As for me, well, I'm trying to figure out what I want to be/do when I grow up. Being a mom is the most amazing accomplishment and I feel so blessed to have the privilege of being a mother of two, but I am still me, and still want to be growing and learning for myself. I don't know what that looks like yet, but I'm more open to new things than I've ever been.

Life is good and we love being a family of 4! Thanks for letting us share our life with you!

Here are a few pictures of Cullen's arrival...

February 6th is the big day!

Hi Everyone!

This is going be short and sweet, but I just wanted to let you all know that baby Cullen will be making his debut tomorrow!

My doctor's office called today and said that they have space for me at the hospital to induce tomorrow. We were very surprised, because there didn't seem like there was going to be much chance of that earlier this week. Due to a couple of schedule changes, we're in!

We'll post pictures and keep you updated! We are so excited that this day has finally come and can't wait to share it with you all.

Thank you for your love and prayers!

Waiting and Spontaneity... Not my thing.

Here is the Cullen update!

I couldn't be more ready to not be pregnant anymore. Is it time yet? :)

Today was a very successful doctor's appointment. I went in hoping to plan a date to induce, because that's what we did with Layla, and I got better news than that. My doctor told me since this is my second baby, she thought that my body would do the work on its own before any induction we would schedule. YES! I am 2cm dilated, and 75% effaced, so Cullen is up to something! She helped to speed up the process by "stripping the membranes," hoping to help my body kick into labor soon. As of right now, at 12:30 in the morning (why am I still awake?), I haven't felt any contractions, but am hoping that tomorrow is a different story!

As ready as I am, and we all are, for Cullen to be here, I do have to admit that I would love just a little more time to get my last ducks in a row. Everything is ready from washed clothes to clean bottles. I just need to run a few errands tomorrow, pack a bag for the hospital for me and Cullen, and then one for Layla so she's taken care of while Bobby and I are getting Cullen out! Then he can make his debut!

Certainly, I'm ecstatic at the thought of Cullen being here so soon, but the uncertainty of when just kills me. I know, I know, it's part of pregnancy, but it's hard for me to not have any clue when he'll be here, and oh the waiting!! It's grueling at times. Having a baby is a huge life change, so naturally, I'd love to know exactly when that change is going to happen, since I like things order, haha. The spontaneity of Cullen coming whenever he wants is sure teaching me a lesson in patience, and teaching me that there are just some things I can't plan.

This is such an exciting time in our family's life and I am so happy to be able to share this whole experience with you all. Bobby and I are looking forward to introducing our baby boy to everyone when he arrives! Hopefully soon!

36 weeks of Pregnancy = Please come out soon!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. January is in full swing, and life keeps moving. It's been awhile since an update, and we know a lot more about Cullen's progress, so I wanted to share what's going on!

I am now going to weekly doctor's appointments to check and see how soon it will be until Cullen is here. A few highlights of the last two appointments...

1) His head is down. Yes! He's getting ready to make his debut :).
2) The doctor says he will likely be a good sized baby, and that my belly is measuring a little big. I'm holding my breath that he isn't so huge that I don't have to have a c-section, though my doctor says she doesn't see that happening. I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat if I had to, but I'd prefer that be the last resort.
3) Because of his size, my doctor moved up the due date to February 8th. Very exciting! It means we get to see him sooner!

These last few weeks to me, is the most exciting part of pregnancy and the hardest. I love the anticipation and preparation, and it's also a huge challenge. These last few weeks drag on, and yet, I know he'll be here in a flash. In no time our life will be the best kind of different it can be. I'm doing what I can to get ready for the transition and all the joys and craziness it will bring.

Physically, this has been the hardest month. Truly, I have no complaints, because I am healthy, and have been blessed with two easy and smooth pregnancies. Being a little winded, light-headed after standing for too long, and not sleeping super well, pales in comparison to any kind of complication, so I am genuinely grateful. I will just be ready for my body to be my own again, and not be so physically demanded of. It comes with the territory, and I know that, but it doesn't take away the joy I feel in thinking about belts, pants that button, and tops I can zip :). FREEDOM!

Layla talks often about "baby Cullen" and Bobby and I can sense there is excitement for her in meeting her "baby sister" (as she calls Cullen). We laugh and try to tell her that SHE is actually the sister and that Cullen is her brother, but there's only so much you can explain; she'll probably just have to figure it out on her own, haha. And it won't take long! We are doing our best to prepare her for Cullen's arrival and are including her in whatever we can, so she knows she is still so important to us. I love talking to her about all the things she can help with and do with "baby Cullen." The other day she got very excited because she discovered they could watch movies together, so she grabbed some of her movies and held them up to my belly telling Cullen what movie it was then hugged my belly. It was one of the sweetest moments, and I really think she is going to love having a companion to play with and love.

As a mother, I never anticipated the guilt and grief I would feel with adding another child to our family. And though, it doesn't even come close to the excitement, there is this sense of loss to this part of our life. Of course, we've never wanted Layla to be an only child, but it's been more emotional than I had planned on it being. I, myself, wouldn't change having a brother for anything and am so glad that we grew up together, so I am confident that Layla will be just fine. I know right when I see Cullen, I will wonder how I ever lived without him, and that's what I'm holding onto. Bobby is just plain excited, which is great! Until I meet our little guy, I am enjoying the time I have with Layla and cherishing the little things with her.

The moment we know more, we'll update you! We can't wait to see Cullen's face and show him off to everyone! Until next time...


Pictures at 35 WEEKS